Life is short but there is always time for courtesy. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
I got amazing news recently, I have been “reversed”. That means that the Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) that I was diagnosed with over two years ago has been reversed. As in, I’m as close to cured as it gets for this disease. I’m a miracle. But ya’ll already know that, right?
One of the many things that I learned during my walk on the chronic illness side of life, patience. Chronic illness is funny. You can’t always tell that someone has a chronic illness just by looking at them. If you had seen me at my sickest, you’d probably just think I was a little slow-witted and out of shape. You’d never know that I was a second away from a heart transplant. I was able to work and I was able to take my kids to activities but I paid for it in private. Weekends spent in bed or on the couch because I pushed myself too hard. Excess swelling and nights of vomiting when the fluid built up too fast. Getting dizzy and light-headed when my blood pressure would plummet. Fun times. No really, fun fun fun.
We walk among you but you don’t see us. Not really. You get annoyed because we walk slow in the heat and humidity. We stop, a lot, sometimes suddenly and you’re forced around us. We ask you to repeat things since some of us have tricky memories due to medication and low blood pressure and circulation.
I joined a Facebook page dedicated to living with CHF and I have met so many amazing people. Most have it a lot tougher than I ever did. They inspire me. The determination they have to not let illness define them, the courage they wield as they face life with as much vigor as can be mustered, they carve out lives that have meaning and consequence. We laugh at ourselves and each other. There is no question off limits. Seriously, everything from where in the world we live, to how much sex we have, and how soon we started having it post diagnoses. It’s a remarkable community and I feel like I have friends for life.
It’s not all sunshine and ponies there. It’s also a place to yell and vent. To scream “why me.” What you find in return is understanding and honesty, solace without pity. Big, wide, shoulders to cry on and a hell of a pep talk.
It’s not just cardiac patients that hide in plain sight.
Arthritis, Crohn’s Disease, Depression, Diabetes, Fibromyalga, Lupus, Multiple Sclerosis, and so many more.
All of them debilitating and all almost completely hidden. Chronic illness inhabits your whole life. It will take over, if you let it. Each, of course, comes with it’s own problems and peculiarities but it all boils down to the same. Something’s wrong. Your reactions are different. Your mental processes are different. Your emotional reactions are different. You are different. You may fight that difference but the illness will not be ignored.
Do me a favor, next time you feel your impatience rising because of the slow poke in front of you; or you’re on the phone with the guy who can’t seem to decide what he needs; or the woman at work who doesn’t remember what she told you, I want you to stop.
Then I want you to reach out.
With a smile.
With patience.
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