Like déjà vu all over again
Parenting, a definition: "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go..." ~ Dr. Seuss
When I was a new parent, I received loads of advice and words of wisdom from well-meaning friends and family. Occasionally, I would get a look that practically screamed: “Why? Why did you do it? You have no idea what lies ahead!” These poor embattled souls, I thought, what type of hell ruled their lives? The answer: teenagers. Every single person that gave me that look had teenagers.
I have teenagers now. One literal and one figurative. And they are doing their best to stymie even my most advanced parenting moves. Quite frankly, I’ve been outwitted. By teenagers. Ya’ll should revoke my mommy card. Seriously.
My parenting had completely devolved into yelling, pointing, and the occasional random profanity. (Emma's note: occasional is not the correct word, try all the time.) My days started with shouts and threats; it ended the same way. I was losing sleep and sanity.
It hit me one day. The one piece of advice that I had kept in the back of my mind. The one bit that made me go "hmmm." It was from a guy I worked with years ago, his name lost to me. He had teenagers, I had toddlers. He told me that they are not all that different. Both toddler and teenager go through massive physical and emotional changes in a small amount of time. As I thought more about that, I realized that he was right. They are both awkward and clumsy. They don’t have real control over their physical beings or their emotions. Almost everyone finds toddlers adorable and amusing but almost no one thinks the same of teenagers.
I started looking for the amazing in teenagers. It’s not easy. They are stubborn critters but I’m nothing if not persistent, and I love a challenge. I started small. Assessing the positives: smart, caring, funny. I can work with that! What are the immediate challenges: school, socializing, sports. Manageable issues. Now comes the hard part. Reining me in. Reminding myself that I need more restraint and self-control. I need to model the behavior I wish them to emulate. You know, practice what you preach, live what you mean.
Teens, when you sweep away all the angst and agony, are special. They bring such an amazing point-of-view to the world. They are far more creative than destructive. They are, for all its cliché-ness, the future. They are fearless. We are responsible for them; we are their guides. They need us to help them keep their wonder at the same time trying to anchor them to reality. It’s hard. Harder than I thought.
I expect that my days of yelling, random pointing, and sporadic profanity are not over. Not even close. They are teenagers after all, the most vexing of all creatures. And I don’t always have the patience, really, that parenting requires. Know what the weak link in all this is? Me. Not them. They’ll be adults someday. Whether I parent them effectively or not, only time will tell. I like to say that I started with great kids and I’m trying my best not to mess them up.
Wish me luck!
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